Can Online Community Be Just as Beneficial as IRL Connections? A Psychologist Weighs In
Social media can be a great tool to have at your disposal. From keeping up with your cousins and their kids who live on the other side of the country to using it to network after randomly meeting someone in your industry at a concert, "following" people can be a convenient way to stay in touch.This was especially true in the days of the pandemic, when social distancing kept us from being able to get together with loved ones in real life (IRL). And while many people have returned to making plans and being face-to-face with their friends and family in the years that have followed 2020, others have found themselves more rooted than ever to their online communities.Whether someone has found a crew of likeminded individuals in a fan club or dedicated Facebook group, has only worked remote since entering the workforce, or feels more comfortable and less anxious commenting on feeds vs. spending time in public spaces, there are many reasons social media is appealing for socialization. But is it a healthy way to form and grow relationships?Cleveland Clinic psychologistSusan Albers, PsyD,answers this question and more. She shares the pros and cons of online community withParadeand reveals if this medium can be just as beneficial as IRL connection. Plus, she explains what we miss out on if most (or all) of our socialization is done behind a screen.Related:People Who Felt Lonely as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say "Social media is like the drive-thru window of connection," Dr. Albers tellsParade. "It is fast, it is easy, it is always available, and it seems to feed us, but it doesn't truly nourish us. It leaves us hungry for more. As our traditional areas of connection, like churches, family dinners, meeting places [and] neighborhoods start to shrink, people are looking for other ways to connect. People want to reach out and connect with others around them and social media helps to fill that void." Plus, when we're busy with work and/or raising kids, it can be difficult to find times that work for friends and family to get together in real life. And, meanwhile, we're still craving connection."According to Maslow's theory of our hierarchy of needs, after we fulfill our survival needs—our basic needs for food, shelter, water—our very next step is to search for belonging and it shows how we are hardwired to seek connection around us for survival," Dr. Albers explains. "Social media creates a pseudo environment of connection. It gives us these micro bursts of connection with follows, likes and comments. We can be very drawn to this kind of community because it's so in-instantaneous. It takes us to a place where we are able to connect with other people immediately."Related:14 Signs of 'Deep Loneliness' To Look Out For, Psychologists Warn The short answer? "It depends on the intent of the way you use social media," Dr. Albers explains. "Studies have shown that it can decrease loneliness when you're using social media for its intended purpose—to follow other individuals in your life [and] to stay up to date," she continues. It can definitely be helpful when you aren't able to see friends and family regularly, for whatever reason—distance, busyness, etc. "For many people, it is a lifeline, particularly those who have difficulty connecting in person," Dr. Albers says. "For those who struggle with social anxiety, are geographically isolated [or] have a disability, this provides an avenue to connect."Social media, in particular, also gives users a chance to expand their knowledge and learn from others simply by scrolling."Many of my clients tell me stories about the information they get online that is life-changing or brings them a sense of joy," she continues. "It might be a mental health tip, a comment [or] something that shifts their way of thinking, and it's a game-changer."Another powerful aspect of online communities is "the specificity" they provide, Dr. Albers says, explaining, "We can find our tribe at two in the morning—whether you are a new parent, a grieving spouse, looking for information about French cinema, whatever it may be. We find a community that is much different than who we would stumble upon in our neighborhood. We can find like-minded people that help us to feel known [and] seen, and share a common interest."That being said, it's not all rainbows and sunshine.Related:'I'm a Psychologist—These Are the 5 Surprising Things I Swear By To Combat Loneliness' While there are benefits of online community, it's not without its downsides as well. "It can make you feel known when you truly have no connection at all," Dr. Albers warns. "You can spend hours chatting with someone online and still not know anything about the other person. It's very easy to put on a mask and meet another person who has a mask and those two interact with each other and do not truly get to know each other which creates this false sense of closeness."Related:Women Who Are Lonely in Life Often Display These 10 Behaviors Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say "In other words, the algorithm gets to know you, it knows what you think [and] what you like, and it starts feeding you information," Dr. Albers explains. "This is not similar to what we encounter in daily life. We talk with people who have other opinions [and] other ideas, [which] sparks creativity and inspiration. And when you are stuck in that vacuum chamber, you start to think the same thoughts over and over again." "Online, you miss that in-person communication—the change of tone, the warm smile, the nod, the empathetic touch," Dr. Albers says. "These are all critical for the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel connected with other people in our lives. This cannot be replicated on screen."Related:Psychologists Are Begging People To Pay Attention to These 11 Early Signs of Loneliness "According to studies, those who spend a significant amount of time online—above two hours each and every day—are at risk for anxiety and depression," Dr. Albers reveals. "When you spend a great deal of time online and that connection turns into competition or comparison, this is a significant trigger for mental health issues." "When you're on social media for extended periods of time, you see the highlight reel of someone's life—it is the best 5% of their daily life, vacations, parties, filtered faces," Dr. Albers says. "This sets a bar for comparison. And that bar is not only unrealistic, it can become dangerous when you start to feel like you are missing out or there's something wrong with your life when there isn't."She explains that this is an example of "social comparison theory.""We get to know ourselves through our connections with other people," she continues. "And when we look online for that comparison, it can skew our perceptions of ourselves. We may know that this is a curated image, but our brain doesn't always make the distinction. It starts to ask those questions of 'Why am I not as happy? Why am I not having as much fun as someone else?' And this can chip away at your self-esteem over time."Related:6 Behaviors That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists "Social media can impact your brain in a negative way," Dr. Albers warns. "It is designed and wired to hook you in. It releases dopamine as you scroll. Unfortunately, it's inconsistent. So it knows how to keep you hooked in and continue scrolling. Even when you need to go to bed and get some sleep, you continue to scroll. This is because it works on dopamine and the reward system."Long-term, this doesn't lead to greater happiness. Instead, it's the opposite."When you are scrolling, you hope for that dopamine to keep going," she continues. "Unfortunately, it can turn over, and your brain can become overstimulated, dull and start to tune out, and the joy and excitement that you get from social media turns over to feeling lonely and disconnected." Unfortunately, this can sometimes be the case. "Scrolling can sometimes be more lonely than silence," Dr. Albers reveals. "Imagine a teen who logs on to social media, they see an image of their friends all eating lunch together and they have eaten alone. Instantly, even though it is only this one time, begins to cement this reality into their brain of 'Am I not good enough? Why do I not get to sit with them?' And it starts to change your mindset and how you see yourself. So for some teens, it is not just about feeling left out, it can be dangerous in the way it changes your perception of yourself."Related:Parents and Grandparents Should Look Out for These 11 Signs of Loneliness in Loved Ones "Online communities do not give us the essential non-verbals that we need to understand and to connect with other individuals," Dr. Albers reiterates. "The change of tone, the nod, the warm glances. We cannot replicate that online."But not only that—we also may have a harder time with reconciliation."In person, when we have conflict or friction, we work it out," she explains. "We can reach across the table and say, 'What's wrong? Let's talk.' Online, you can simply ghost. Disappear. You don't have to work out anything, which leaves us feeling with this profound sense of confusion and loneliness in each way at our self-esteem. The in-person opportunity gives us a chance to understand how we interact with others, to understand our dynamics and to figure out ways to connect—even when there is friction." Up Next: Related: The Dangers of Loneliness That More People Should Be Talking About, According to a Cleveland Clinic Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, is a Psychologist at the Women's Health Center at the Wooster branch of Cleveland Clinic. She graduated from the College of Wooster and obtained her doctorate at the University of Denver. Can Online Community Be Just as Beneficial as IRL Connections? A Psychologist Weighs Infirst appeared on Parade on May 26, 2025
Can Online Community Be Just as Beneficial as IRL Connections? A Psychologist Weighs In Social media can be a great tool to have at your dis...
